BREAK THE SELF-SABOTAGE CYCLE

 

What if I told you that you already have the tools to break your own cycle of self-sabotage?

If you attended my recent workshop at the Women Now conference, you may have a clue about what I’m referencing.

So, let me ask you—how do YOU self-sabotage?

Here are some possible signs:

• Do you avoid or procrastinate?
• Are you highly goal-oriented yet rarely feel accomplished?
• Do you feel anxious about what could go wrong?
• Do you put everyone else first and feel like you’re missing out?
• Are you constantly busy, always moving to the next exciting thing?
• Do you aim for perfection, making things so detailed or orderly that it becomes overwhelming?

Believe it or not, these are all signs of self-sabotage. Why? Because these behaviors and feelings prevent you from making progress. They introduce doubt, fear, and frustration that hold you back. While they may feel helpful in the short term, they ultimately work against you.

The Perspective You Already Have

Which of these situations felt familiar? Can you recall a specific time when you experienced them? What did it cost you? What benefit did you gain? If you could approach that situation differently now, what would you believe, do, or say to yourself?

Often, when we reflect objectively, we see things differently:

• The task you avoided wasn’t as bad or time-consuming as you thought.
• You actually did accomplish a lot, even if it didn’t feel like it.
• The worst-case scenario didn’t happen—or it wasn’t as bad as you feared.
• You didn’t need to do everything for someone else—they could have contributed.
• Staying super busy likely left you super exhausted—was it worth it?
• Perfection and details often matter less than the big picture.

Four Key Tools to Break the Cycle

When you consider these different perspectives, four key tools emerge that may support you to break your cycle of self-sabotage:

1. Awareness: Noticing these behaviors and patterns.
2. Reflection: Identifying situations where they occurred.
3. Perspective: Creating an objective view of what really happened.
4. Alternatives: Brainstorming different ways to approach the situation.

The Big Insight

Any one of these tools can help break your self-sabotage cycle—even momentarily.

Noticing, acknowledging, and reframing are within your power if you allow yourself to access them. Self-sabotage is contagious and builds upon itself—but breaking the cycle interrupts that pattern and opens your mind to new possibilities.

Is it easy? No.
Will it work every time? No.
Does it take practice? Yes.
Can you start right now? Yes!

Start by Simply Noticing

In my workshop, I emphasized the importance of SIMPLY NOTICING…..

✔ Take note of the physical sensations of anxiety or frustration.
✔ Call out recurring behavior patterns that don’t serve you.
✔ Acknowledge negative self-talk that says, “You should” or “You can’t.”
✔ Tune into emotions that feel “off” or “not right.”

Now that you have a better idea of how self-sabotage operates and some tools to combat it, I encourage you to practice them. Having a partner to talk through these ideas can be helpful, and I’d love to be that partner for you! Check out my WEBSITE, connect with me on LINKEDIN, or send me an EMAIL. You may even want to consider joining a GET UNSTUCK GROUP curated for ADClub of NY members and friends. Let’s break the cycle together!